Just A Thought

MAYBE

.....it's not what we eat that matters.....

But what we don't eat .

Been Bitten By the Bug

The flu bug that is. Feeling miserable.  Will be well eventually.  In the meantime keeping sight of my weigh-loss goals.  The scale finally moved down another pound for a total of 24 lost.

I'm 3 pounds away from my first goal and have a second set.  To reach the second I'd have to lose an additional 4 pounds.  Both are doable.  It is within my power to succeed.  And I will.

It's too easy to drop the ball and lose the game.  Keeping our eyes on the prize and holding self accountable and giving ourselves a good swift kick in the rear is key to winning.

Making excuses is just a cop out.  We don't like and don't want to hear that.  But it is truth.

So be kind to yourself and hold yourself accountable.  Your nice friends won't--they don't want to make you feel bad.  Do for yourself what others can't or won't do.

Just do it.

It's just as hard for me to lose weight as the next guy.  Having to curtail your food intake sucks.  So what?

Having reached my 'advanced' age--I'm not 'that' old--I no longer suffer fools gladly.  And that includes myself.

How long can I go on making excuses?  My days on this earth are limited.  So are yours.

What's it gonna be?  Looking back full of regret?  Or looking back having run the race with patience.

It's totally your decision.  Yours and yours alone.  But you--as I-- will have to live with it.  And don't expect much sympathy in the end if you had opportunity but messed it up because you indulged yourself.

How's that for some tough love?

Choosing Life--the other side of the coin

I used to awake on Fridays and think "it's cleaning day.  Yuk".  And I'd rush through the job, hating it, just wanting it to be over and done for another week.

Then I was diagnosed with cancer.  In my spirit entered the stab of conviction and guilt.  And with that conviction followed by guilt came a moment of clarity.

I had wasted my life.

Each moment is a gift.  And I possess the gift of free will.  My choices are mine.  (As well I live in a free country where I can express my free will.  Praise God.) 

I had chosen to gripe and complain--I was a murmurer like the Israelites wondering in the wilderness! ( You can read the account in the Old Testament of the Bible.)

God gave them provision freely as they had requested, yet they were not satisfied.  Each morsel they ate was not received with thanksgiving in their heart, but with resentment and anger.  They ate and pointed their figurative finger at God as if to say 'you are not gracious'.  All the while they were showing themselves to be ingrates.

In my moment of clarity I realized I too had been an ingrate.  God had given me life, a home, a family, and the ability to care for--to enjoy-- all that provision.  Yet I complained.

On that day, in that moment, unknown to me how much time I had left on this earth I determined that I would never ever again complain about housework.  And I haven't.

I do it with joy in my heart, thankful that I am here, I am alive, with my family.  Mind you, were I able to pay someone to do it for me--I would!  And I would fill that free time with other joyful activity.

Joy is where you find it, where you will take it.  In every choice you must make, you can choose the way that is life giving or you can choose 'death'...death of your spirit, body or soul.

Having an intact physical body is a precious gift.  Using that body to create life is a demonstration of thankfulness.

How will you feed that body?  Healthfully?  Instead of thinking of it as denial or restriction, think of it as your choice--because it is!-- when you forgo those foods that don't nourish your body.  And don't be resentful.  It is your choice, your free will to eat or to not eat, to eat poorly or to eat well.

If you want choose death instead of life, so be it.   But do that with joy--if you can.  If you are gonna eat junk, overeat and burden your body with extra weight, let no one judge you in that--it is your free choice, your free will.  But quit beating yourself up.  And quit being resentful.  Why?  No one is doing it to you--you are doing it to yourself.

And should you realize you no longer want to travel that road that leads to death,  don't beat yourself up either.  Instead, change direction.  It may take time to get in the habit of choosing life, but if the desire is there you will succeed.

Weight Loss Update and : The Balancing Act

WEIGHT LOSS UPDATE

Total weight lost to date = 23 pounds.  I surprise even myself folks.  I struggled for over 2 years to lose 13 pounds, every pound lost an uphill fight.  With my new approach it's been relatively easy. Changing your relationship with food is half the battle.

THE BALANCING ACT

When you think of the foods you prefer to eat, categorize them into 'eat often' and 'eat once in awhile'.

The eat often group should mainly consist of low calorie foods that supply good amounts of protein, fiber and healthy carbs.  In other words, lean protein, fruits and veg--and in modest amounts,  whole grains and healthy fats.

While your eat often group mainly includes those healthy low calorie foods, it may also include a small calorie daily indulgence that is not healthy.

This may not seem wise, but the benefit is this:   a daily dose of a small treat might save you from a binge.

I 'need' a sweet in the afternoon--every single day.  And it needs to be chocolate.  As well it must not be a trigger food.  Chocolate fudge might trigger a binge, but a 100 calorie pack of Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes won't.  Get it?  Choosing wisely is important.

While I don't forbid myself eating fudge, I do avoid eating it often, because of the associated risk.

Hence, I strategize-- and  allow myself that daily indulgence-- in a small amount.  It gives me something to look forward to, satisfies my palate for chocolate, and spares  me  the danger of restricting food and making it more enticing.

Restricted foods often become the stumbling blocks in our diet path, causing us to fall and eventually fail.

Embrace them, and put yourself in the drivers seat.  You 'run' them...don't let them  'run' you.  Take away the power they have over you.

You render them powerless when they are no longer forbidden.  The forbidden 'fruit' is always the most desirable fruit in the garden.  It's our nature, the human nature to want what we cannot have.  Savy?

Note though--taking a food off the restricted list does not mean you should become bed fellows with it.  You might do well to avoid it routinely.  Put it on your 'eat once in a while' list.  That way it is not restricted, but  the temptation to overindulge in minimized.

Indulge, but avoid overindulging.

As well, avoid the thinking "I shoudn't be eating this".  If you've chosen to eat it, then eat it with joy.  If you are unable to do so, you may want to examine why you made that choice in the first place.

Perhaps there is a choice you would enjoy just as much, but minus any angst.

Angst and eating do not make for good digestion.  Eat without regret.  Life is too short to regret that which you have almost total control over.

If you are at 'the worlds best' whatever and unlikely to ever return, then go ahead and eat it--whatever it is-- with relish. Eat it with delight.  Lick your lips and rub your tummy.

But if you find yourself, say, at a place you can visit anytime, them you might want to give some second thoughts to your choice if it yields angst.

If your food choices are in your control, then TAKE CONTROL.  Rarely do we have so much opportunity to be in control of our fate, our destiny. 

The eat once in awhile group is anything else, including empty calorie foods and calorie dense foods.

The balance comes in here:  when you do eat them,  eat very small amounts of the once in awhile foods; and for the rest--the eat often foods-- feel free to eat a bit more of those.  

However you don't want to overindulge in those either-- because the goal is balance, and eating large volumes of any kind of food--even low calorie food--is unbalanced.

Eat wisely.  And eat small to be small.  Let this be your mantra.

Not only will you save money, you may also save your health.

Another Dessert Option

If you have a sweet tooth and are trying to lose or maintain weight loss you can still indulge.  You can eat that banana split.  But not everyday.  And not often.  It should be on your eat once in a while list.

However there are sweets you can eat daily and still make your goal.  Last post had one and here's another.

You'll need:

• 1 Weight Watchers Latte Bar (90 Calories, 1 point)
• 6 tablespoons of fat free Cool Whip (45 calories)
• 2 bite size Heath Bar mini's (86 calories)

Crumble your mini's while they're still in the wrapping.

Place your Cool Whip in a bowl and sprinkle with the Heath crumbs.  Unwrap your frozen treat bar and proceed to dip each bite in the candy bar topping.  It's not only delicious, it is fun to eat.  And tastes decadent, all for a mere 221 calories.

Typically I'm not a fan of fat free products, but there are some tolerable ones out there. For use as a topping--not mixed into a recipe-- I do believe I prefer the taste of the fat free Cool Whip over the reduced and regular fat ones.

And choosing the fat free  Cool Whip allows me to save my fat calories for healthier fat options--like good old peanut butter.

Hmmm...now I'm thinking...I love peanut butter pie.  Wonder what some peanut butter mixed in with some fat free Cool Whip would taste like? Peanut butter mousse?  Think I'll give that a try soon.  And if I sprinkled it with a few graham cracker crumbs it might even pass as peanut butter chiffon pie.  Wait...if I add some fat free cream cheese--and the ideas keep coming.

Being a foodie and dieting can work--we just have to be a bit more creative, but isn't that part of what being a foodie is all about?  Working with food, dreaming about recipes is as important to  a foodie as eating.

We don't have to give up the foods we love and enjoy to lose or maintain losses--we can figure out how to fit them in with a little thought and practice.

How Did I Do It?

It's got to be a first for me--vacation and weight maintenance.

I ate whatever I wanted.  But I made a point to eat small portions and to quit before I felt full.

That strategy allowed me to indulge without bulging.  Indulging usually leads to bulging.

But I guess a person can eat whatever she wants as long as she keeps the portions small.

Wanna be small?  Eat small.

Wanna be healthy/healthier?  Eat healthy/healthier.

It seems simple doesn't it.  Well--I think it is simple.  Good ole common sense.

Whats Your Limit?

Over the years I've gained weight, lost it and regained it.

My limit--the number at which I drew the line in the sand?  Fifty pounds overweight.

It's hard for me to fathom allowing oneself to become 100 pounds overweight.

But then I think--why 50?  Why not 25?  Or even 10?

Just think.  If ten pounds had been my line in the sand limit, how much easier would it  have been on me to lose it?

I think I've only realized the connection between my weight and my decisions these past few months.  There are consequences to the food choices I make.  How could I not 'get' that?  How can any of us not 'get' that?

I think all to often--myself included--we deceive ourselves.  We justify our overeating on the grounds that others get to eat whatever they want and so should we.  But we are foolish.

The reality is that 'others', those without weight issues are not eating whatever they want.  I know a woman who says she eats whatever she wants.  But she doesn't.  She is a very careful eater.  To those observing her she is indulging all the time.  But that is an illusion.  Like most people, she manages her weight.

I wish someone had been 'mean' enough to give me the cold hard truth.  But I understand why they didn't.  It's not popular to be the bearer of bad news.  So nice reigns, sits in the high seat, while many go to heck in a hand basket.

Don't make the mistake I did.  Don't deceive yourself.  Don't believe the lies you tell yourself.  Only you can decide what to eat and how much of it to eat.  And ultimately, you as well decide how much weight you will carry on your body.

And remember--there's no fool like an old fool.  I'm just getting in under the wire of wasted years, almost too late for it to matter.  Don't go there.  Please.  For your own sake.  Don't go there.

Under My Feet.

The scale moved downward again today, enough so that I can report another pound lost, totaling 12 pounds lost.

I'm very pleased with this progress.  The last time I lost weight--13 pounds total--it took me two years.  It was a real struggle.  Why the weight is moving now I'm not sure.  Maybe it's the B vitamins from the nutritional yeast I consume daily? Or the addition of iodine via the sea vegetables I mix in with my sea salt? Or the reduction of fat overall due to some fat free substitutes?  I doubt it's the fiber though the fiber does help me stay full--it's a real aid to prevent overeating and being satisfied with smaller amounts of food.

Speaking of fiber--yesterday after lunch I got hungry for a snack.  Wanting a low calorie very filling snack and having some coleslaw mix (the bagged kind) on hand gave me the brilliant (not) idea of having some raw cabbage instead of fruit or a Fiber One bar (which I was out of).  I mixed about 2 cups of the slaw mix with some very low fat mayonnaise, a little yogurt, lots of garlic and onion powder, and some salt and pepper--all tossed together.  I must say it tasted really good.  So--take this away--eat cabbage for a mid-
afternoon snack.  It'll fill you up but won't fill you out.

We had taco salad for supper last night and I threw in a handful of slaw mix (unadorned) with my salad--it supplied extra chew and crunch, was way more filling and added very few calories.  Plus, cabbage is a one of those eat often healthy foods.  I omitted the cheese on my taco salad but I swear-- those cabbage shreds did look like shredded Monterrey jack cheese.  It's pretty easy to fool yourself like that especially when your taco salad is loaded up with other stuff--tomatoes, onion, corn, pinto beans, cooked ground turkey, low fat sour cream and low fat dressing.

The past couple of nights I have been hungry when I've gone to bed so I must be eating under my caloric need--which is good and creates that deficit necessary to lose weight.  Most days I eat around 1350 calories give or take.  Last time I dieted (to lose the 13 pounds) I was allowing myself to eat 1600 calories a day.  I really didn't think an additional 250 calorie deficit would make that much difference but evidently it does--coupled with reducing total fat intake by using some fat-free products.  Mind, I do eat some good fat daily but small amounts.  Nut butters, olive oil and avocado are some of my good fat sources, as well as nuts themselves...of late it's walnuts and almond slices, usually eaten in my yogurt and oatmeal.

So, that's all for now.  I hope I can keep this up--the loss part that is.  My way of eating I intend to do 'forever'.  Whether I will continue to lose weight remains to be seen.  Theoretically I should, but real life and theory don't always coincide, do they.

Update

Not much to say here.  Still eating healthy and losing, albeit slowly.  Had some special eating including Mother's Day.  But the scale is going down, down, down, in two tenths increments...I don't count it though until it is a full pound, so I'm still at 11 pounds though I've lost more than 11...should be at 12 soon.

The thing that surprises me most is that the scale is down each time I weigh.  For the past 7 years it was down, then up considerably, then down, then up.  I kept losing the same pound or two over and over never making any progress.  There was no incentive to continue dieting.

My biggest change this time compared to the recent past is lower caloric intake overall, lots of fiber and trading out some foods for fat free foods.  Guessing my body is burning my fat since I'm cutting out some of the fat.  I still eat good fat, but small portions. 

I've learned to like mustard on my sandwiches as much as I like mayonnaise.  I haven't found a reduced or low fat mayo that is worth eating to me, so I go for the mustard.  Today I had a delicious sandwich for lunch--what could be simpler?--of 2 slices of 50 calorie high fiber bread, an ounce and a half of smoked turkey breast, a wedge of LCL cheese, lettuce, a sprinkling of dill weed and a smear of mustard.  All for 200 calories. 

Planning to report 12 pounds lost very soon.

Eating Less Food

Eating less food is hard for those of us who love food and who are used to eating generous amounts of food. And restricting ourselves via diet is sure to cause a rebound effect--tell me I can't have a thing and what do I immediately want? And even if I hold out now, or for months, the time comes when I will eat the forbidden fruit.

I gave up dieting per se a couple of years ago after reading Intuitive Eating and after life long experience of losing weight on a diet but always regaining it. Even after keeping the weight off 5 years I regained. So weight lost by dieting is at most a failure in the long term for me.

Appetite plays a tremendous role in how much a person eats. I know this first hand because the first time I lost 50 pounds I was taking Sudafed around the clock--doctor's orders for chronic ear fluid due to allergies. I didn't make the connection to my lack of hunger being caused by the Sudafed for a long time. It was so easy to stay on my allotted 1200 calories a day. But when my ear got better and I discontinued the medication my appetite returned. And all those months of eating small amounts seemed not to make a difference--I returned to being hungry.

Nowadays my approach to minimize hunger is to eat foods that are high in fiber, foods that take a long time to leave the stomach, and foods that are bulky or very filling--like soups--so I will fill full sooner and stay feeling that way longer.

As well I have worked to come up with foods that have the lowest calorie intake but still give me great pleasure and food satisfaction. We foodies must have that satisfaction with our food--life is just not the same if we can't have what we consider wonderful decadent food. After all, life isn't worth living if one can never have chocolate or cake or ice cream or cheese and such like, is it?

The framework I came up with for me is 3 meals and if I am hungry in between 3 snacks. I call it 2,3,4. Two hundred calories for breakfast, three hundred for lunch, and 4 hundred for supper, plus 3 snacks around 150 calories each. These calorie amounts are approximate. Obsessing about them, trying to be exact creates frustration and anxiety, which serves to make me hungry. I only lose my appetite if I'm am seriously afraid. Fear will make me sick. Anxiety or frustration makes me hungry.

But--I don't actually count the calories I eat. Instead I eat by protein, fat and carb categories and small portions of each, per meal or snack. I put food into two classes--those I should 'eat often' and those I should eat 'once in awhile'. Classifying food in this manner helps me make better choices. If I've already had a regular hot dog this week, I don't need to be eating another one any time soon.

Breakfast is almost always a half portion of oatmeal, with some low fat milk for protein, and a dab of nut butter for good fat. And I have coffee with low fat (1%) milk. It's small and it gets me going. Later, if I am hungry I have a snack, usually a piece of 'easy' fruit--a banana, an orange, an apple--it depends on what is in season. When I tire of oats I eat an egg and a piece of toast, plus my coffee.

This small breakfast works for me because I'm not that hungry in the morning. You might need a more substantial breakfast. It might work better for you to have your snack portion with your breakfast meal. The snacks can be moved around--maybe you don't need a snack after supper--generally I don't, so I might eat those snack calories at supper instead.

If your are like me and you hate measuring every forkful you put into your mouth, come up with some breakfasts, lunches and suppers, and some snacks that will fit the approximate calorie amounts. Be sure to include fruits and veg in your snacks a lot of the time. A serving of V8 and a couple of celery sticks for crunch can be very satisfying...cold, crisp, salty--and spicy if you add a dash of hot sauce.

Make a checklist too--be sure you get in the good stuff nutritionally every day. You want 5 servs combined of fruit and veg daily--minimum. I aim for 2 fruit and 3 veg minimum. You want some green food every day. You want lots of slow carbs--beans, brown rice, oats, stuff like that--it'll fill you up. You want some protein, preferably lean, and some good fat. Eat some fat free and very low fat foods and save your fat calories for the good fats. I don't like most fat free foods, but some are tolerable and they can be a tool to help you enjoy your food. A Laughing Cow Light Cheese wedge--which is low cal and low fat-- spread on 4 whole grain crackers is nice. If you are having a sandwich and would miss the cheese, use a fat free or very low fat slice to replace what you usually eat. Opt for mustard instead of mayo. Or use low fat mayo or even fat free if you can abide it.

It's all about making choices, picking options that fit you; that you can live with forever.

Remember when you were a kid and ate a hot lunch at school? It was handed to you in the proper portions, with all the food groups and always included a small dessert. I never went away hungry, was always satisfied. I think it was because the meal had balance (that was waaayyyy back in the day mind you, when the food workers really cooked, versus the opening and heating they do today). At home, when mom cooked we often had dessert. But it was simple. A small dish--maybe a half cup--of pudding.

How did we go from eating and being satisfied with that half cup of pudding to needing/wanting the whole pan full? I imagine television and marketing had something to do with that, and I often wonder if subliminal messages played/play a role. We can make our bodies smaller and our pocket books fuller by eating less and beat the marketers at their own game--a win/win.

The real key to long term success with weight loss is to take the time and figure out what you must have food wise for the rest of your life. Then, use that knowledge to devise your own personal plan that will get you where you want to be.

Short and Sweet

Another two weeks has passed and I've lost two more pounds, for a total of 9 pounds. I will continue as I've been doing for these past 8 weeks. The way I am eating now is the way I will continue to eat 'for life'.

The one thing I have taken away recently is that if I want to be a 'little' woman--as in size--I must eat 'little' food.

Funny isn't it. And profound. The amount of food we eat is relative to the amount of weight we carry. Duh.

Whether we reduce our caloric intake by eating less food or eating less caloric food, the result is the same.

And we would do well to remember the Holocaust survivors when we reach a plateau and stall in our weight loss efforts. Those people existed on a tiny amount of food each day. The survivors were all, every one of them, skin and bone when they were released, which proves that starvation and the metabolic starvation mode our body supposedly enters will not stop weight loss if that starvation continues long term.

If I continue to eat little food in time I will be a little person.

One piece of chocolate. One bite of cake. One small portion of lasagna. A hot dog. Once in awhile. These types of foods can be eaten--if they are eaten infrequently and in small amounts.

I have a pretty good idea that all the 'small' people out there practice a lot of self control when they eat. They don't chow down, scarf the whole lot, pig out. They use reserve and self control--which cost nothing. Which require no special diets or programs.

Reserve and self control are functions of the will. And each one of us has a free will and the ability to exercise it as we wish.

Reserve and self control coupled with some brain power--i.e. using the knowledge we possess to make wise food choices that won't spike our blood sugar and insulin and affect our hunger-- are the key to long term success.

If I fail in this effort to become a 'little' person, it is my own fault. Owning that fact is critical. Blaming my failures on my past--the less than perfect childhood, the hardships and hurts-- is just an excuse, a cop out.

FUN

My new year's resolve was to have fun.  I came across a great quote about fun.  I found it on the Joy Junket Manisfesto.  It says:

FUN IS A SUPER POWER

Mirth energizes.  Laughter heals.

Play transforms lives.

Now go out and have fun.  

If you'd live to visit the Joy Junket blog you can find it by clicking here.

Wasted

It's easy to see the folly of one who wastes his mind and life doing drugs.

But have you ever considered what a waste of time and life worry is?

There are some things you can't control-- period. Worrying about them is a total useless waste.

The things you can change? Do it. Quit worrying. Quit directing your energy to an activity that won't net a darn thing that is of any benefit to you or anyone else.

How long is it going to take you to quit worry, make change where it is reasonable and possible, and get on with you life?

Have a little faith. On earth if you drop something it falls down. If you hit your finger with a hammer it will hurt. There are natural laws that are in operation--laws that are complex and hard for some of us to understand or explain. But they operate nonetheless. I flip the light switch expecting the lights to come on. And they do. When they don't I know that the power is off or the bulb is burnt out. When all else fails I can call an electrician.

As a little girl I remember hearing a song by Doris Day. She sang 'que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be; the future's not ours to see, que sera'. As a child I had no idea what that meant. But it is truth. We only have so much power, the rest is not in our hands to control.

And if that bad thing does happen, well, you'll live. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do the next thing, all the while grabbing onto faith, believing that there are better things ahead. Worrying that there are not keeps you stuck, rooted in that bad place.

Worry is like a rocking chair. It keeps you moving but takes you nowhere. So, quit worrying, focus your energy in a positive direction. Have a little faith.

The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the LORD.
Proverbs 16:33

FUN IN TEN

Instead of making resolutions for the new year I resolved to have fun this year. Fun is my byword for 2010. Accompanied by my fun will be beauty--they will go hand in hand. Let fun and beauty reign.

It doesn’t cost a fortune to have a beautiful life. Beautiful things can be had for mere pennies. Some can be had for free.

If you bother to look out a window and take in the vista, there is delight to behold and if you ponder over what you see, wonder may also be part of the experience.

Venture outside and pick a flower or a branch of leaves and bring it into your home. Place it in a clean jelly jar or a favored glass or cup. You do have some fun or lovely glasses and cups don’t you? No? Then remedy that a.s.a.p. If you are going to drink, do it from something that delights your senses. Function does not have to be devoid of beauty and wonderment.

Don’t neglect to beautify the inner person. For out of this inner self springs the fountain of you. Considering what goes in must come out, examine what you are filling yourself with.

Is it that which is lovely, kind, pure, of good report, of praise, of virtue, of mercy, of grace? This goodness will displace whatever makes you ill at ease, causes you discomfort, causes you to distress.

We all live with and must deal with stress. Stress in and of itself is not a bad thing. Dis-tress is the ill, and can make us ill. So if you stress, you are human. If you are distressed you are weighted down, burdened, filled with care.

I love to begin my day with a prayer of thanksgiving, spilling from my heart onto my lips, heavenward--a whisper in God’s ear acknowledging his beneficence. A prayer as simple as breathing--in and out.. Natural--no fancy words or utterances. Just pure, plain and simple. I do not have to cloak my being in words, for God reads my heart. I need not even form my words. He knows me intimately. But he delights in hearing my utterances which are a testament of my belief, of my faith.

A good cup of coffee--or tea, a candle lighted to dispel any darkness or gloom, and music to soothe my soul--all these are good things, a good beginning to prepare oneself for inner beautification. A hefty dose of the Rx for all that ails me--meditating on, reading of God’s word--the Bible--which is his revelation of himself, his promises, his statutes and declarations--is medicine for the soul. It is the mirror. What shall I see in its reflection. A mask? Or the real me, uncovered, bare, devoid of pretense?

Attending to the needs of the day--the urgent and the important--with a slow grace, one that acknowledges all is ultimately in God’s hands--he is my pilot--allows me to function with grace and ease, full of joy and peace. I am his passenger, along for the ride, the journey, the adventure of a lifetime, my life.

This is the stuff of life--the abundant life--promised by Jesus who said he came to give us ‘life, abundant life’. He came not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved.

Take, drink, feast, delight. His yoke is easy, his burden is light. Learn of him. He is life. Abundant life, beautiful and free.

I know of no other way that is as wonderful. Is your life wonderful? Are you really living?

There is time and way to make change. Begin now. Make haste. Life is fleeting. Put the cup to your lips. Taste and see that the Lord is good, life is good. Change what you can; accept even embrace what you can’t change. This is your lot, you assignment, part of your unique curriculum. Don’t envy others their lot. For it was designed especially for them by their Creator. He doeth all things well.

Now, pass it on--share your joy, your love, your fun, your beauty and see how it grows and multiplies, becoming more than you ever dreamed or imagined. To life! To love! To joy! To beauty! To fun! And praise be to God from whom ALL blessings flow. Amen.

MARRIAGE

What follows are some of my random thoughts on marriage gleaned over the past 40+ years......

Marriages are not made in heaven. They are begun and worked out here on earth. And forget 50/50 marriages. There are days when you only feel like giving 10%. You'd better hope that your spouse will come up with the other 90%, and vice versa--not to mention the days when you feel like giving zip.

While two people enter into a marriage covenant, it only takes one person to break that covenant and end the marriage. It only takes one person to make a marriage miserable. If both are not willing to "stick", then there's not much hope of a marriage lasting until death.

There will be a lot of days in a normal marriage where you will not only not like your spouse, you'll even begin to question if you really do love him. It's on those days, when you can't stand the sight of your mate, that it's important to "stick" for the sake of the marriage covenant. If it weren't for the promise you made, it's be all too easy to give up and walk away, never giving the marriage the chance it needs for success. After all, if marriage were easy there'd be no need of a covenant or a promise of 'until death do us part'.

If you've been able to keep your marriage together, don't get all proud and high and mighty and look down your nose at those whose marriages ended in divorce. There are no perfect people and there is a learning curve..all too often we learn as we go--the hard way--- and after the fact, when it is too late to 'go back' . The saying "experience is the best teacher" is misquoted. Benjamin Franklin said "experience is a dear teacher", with 'dear' meaning costly.

If you're in a marriage and your mate wants out, it's quite possible that had you been a perfect mate things would still be the same. Every person has been granted free will by God and can choose to honor or dishonor his marriage covenant.

Give up on the goal of having a good marriage and make your goal to be the best possible spouse. Even that, though, won't insure a lasting marriage, but will give you the best chance at that happening. Why isn't having a good marriage a good goal? Because it is a goal you can't control. Marriage involves two individuals.

"Learn" your spouse. Understand what he responds to. Some people feel loved through acts of service..others feel loved when they are touched or held .

Learn how to fight fairly and constructively. Stick to the issue at hand and keep the intensity level low. Don't up the ante. Know when to speak up. Know when to shut up. Know what will 'get through' to your spouse. And use that knowledge.

In 40+ years of marriage (I got married very young) I've learned a lot of things the hard way. My parents divorced back when it wasn't common. And my husband's parents were divorced too. Just prior to our marriage I heard the statistic that the vast majority of marriages between children of divorce fail. That scared me. But being the stubborn person I am I determined to not become one of those statistics. And by the grace of God I'm still married to the same person 40+ years later. Not an easy feat, let me tell you, but it is possible.

If your marriage survives the ravages of this world it will be through the death of self. You must lay down your life, meaning that often you will give up your right to have your own way so that the one you love might be served. And you do this expecting nothing in return. You do it for the greater good. You choose to suffer, as it were, for the sake of righteousness. "Greater love hath no man, than to lay down his life for a friend". Death, figuratively or literally, is the ultimate manifestation of love.

The card I gave my husband this year said this:

"Another year of marriage....Another victory of great big love triumphing over annoying little habits."

Truth my dears, truth.

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The first marriage

".....it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him....And the LORD ...... made he a woman, and brought her unto the man".... And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh....therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" Genesis 2

Marriage is a covenant of three--the man, the woman, and God.

"...a threefold cord is not quickly broken.." Ecclesiastes 4:12

Jesus on Divorce

"The Pharisees also came unto him tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. " Matthew 19

Totally "Shocking" Experience

Did that get your attention? Calm down...nothing bad happened to me. But I had this new experience relative to food. It was totally opposite of my 'normal'.

I, the person who has spent the last 20 years trying to talk myself out of eating, was trying to talk myself into eating and was unsuccessful!!!

This phenomenon took place yesterday. I was planning to make a favorite snack--an ethnic one from India--Chivda. It is a combination of grains--I use corn and rice, i.e. Corn Flakes and Rice Krispies--and a masala--which just means a mixture of spices--of sweet/sour/hot/salty.

I make it instead of buying it because the purchased product is not readily available and I'm able to reduce the fat content without losing the taste I love. And I can make a single serving portion, which is a aid to control my intake.

So there I was, all day yesterday, planning on making it at some point in the day for a snack. (It goes great with a cup of hot tea. It is sometimes referred to as a 'teatime snack'.) I had a real head hunger for it. But I kept putting it off. That made me wonder--made me think: "this is very odd for me". All day I thought about that snack, looking forward to consuming it.

Finally, around 9 pm -- after hubby had gone to bed because he had to get up very early--I thought "now I'll make my beloved Chivda". But I kept putting it off. Kept finding other things that needed doing first. I was puzzled at myself. I wanted that Chivda in my head. The thought that kept bouncing around in my head was "but I'm not hungry".


Not being hungry has *NEVER ever* ever *ever* in the last 20 or so years stopped me from eating something I wanted. Eating when I'm not physically hungry is the rule, not the exception in my life.

I went back and forth in my head thinking--"I'm going to make it. But I'm not hungry" It was like a little exchange between two people. Both of them the inner me. Finally I said to myself--forget it--you can make it tomorrow.

Analysis? I wanted a food emotionally, on a head level. But on a physical level, I wasn't hungry--and couldn't bring myself to make/eat it.

What gives? My take is that the 'head' work I began January 2007 is working.

In fact--these past few weeks, all through the holiday season--I've been paying more attention to my physical body signals and aligning them with head thoughts which concentrate on categories of food like protein, carb and fat, and in the carb category focusing on fruits and veggies.

It goes like this:

I'm hungry. What shall I eat? Well, I need some protein. So I make a choice for that. Now I need to add in some carbs--how am I going to get in a couple of servings in the fruit/veg category? Fat is added in limited amounts as is simple carbs. I choose portion sizes that are "small normal". And I eat without giving much thought to the specific calories.

While I haven't lost the weight I regained--it was about 7 pounds--my weight has remained stable. And I've had this new development--NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK MYSELF INTO EATING SOMETHING I WANTED (as in head hunger) when I wasn't physically hungry.!!!

Folks, I haven't had this experience in years. I'm hoping it's a trend that will continue. I'm hoping that what I have been doing is reshaping my relationship with food. I'm hoping that the long term result will yield a smaller, healthier me. One who is not obsessed with weight loss but possessed with the natural ability to eat like a 'normal' person.

I plan to make that Chivda today. We'll see what happens.

So here’s the deal. I've been frustrated with my stalled weight loss and recent gain. I’ve been gaining weight even though I’m eating the same amount of food.

Before I actually weighed myself, I noted that I felt bloated--that my clothes felt tighter. That was what tipped me off that I needed to check in at the scale. I wasn’t surprised to see it ‘up’. With the way my clothes were fitting and my past history it was to be expected--par for the course.

In my frustration I didn’t really know what to do--I’ve been at this bend in the road many times. What I do know is that I can’t give up. I don’t want to regain the whole 50 pounds I lost back in 2002. But where to go from here--what is the answer?

Help came from an unexpected source: Eater’s Digest Monday--this issue: December 8, 2008

The issue contained several articles that caught my eye and shed some light on what might be my problem. It wasn't new to me information--but I have failed to incorporate it into my eating habits with any regularity. I slip back into old habits.

I got some insight as to what may explain my weight gain and inability to lose even though eating in a range that should cause weight loss.

One of the articles made this summation and in a nutshell it explains what I think is going on with my stalled weight loss:

“someone could be eating a relatively small amount of calories daily but at the same time be promoting a great deal of fat storage by: 1) making poor food choices; 2) combining macro-nutrients in a nonproductive fashion and 3) consuming food infrequently at inopportune times”.

Bingo.

You can read the articles in their entirety. Here they are with their links:

***Overlooked Fat Loss Factor

***High Protein Meals May Help Overweight Burn Fat

***Secrets of Health Conscious Foodies

Who’s to say if the research is right or not? Most of the statements “suggest” a reason for the outcome, so it‘s not necessarily hard core fact. At any rate--I’m taking them to heart. Why?

Number one, I’ve got nothing to lose if they don’t work and number two, because it dawned on me that while my food volume/caloric intake had not really changed, the make up of it had… I resemble the examples given in the articles--so maybe there is an application for me.

I’ve been eating lots of crackers, cookies, bread--simple carby stuff--and very little protein. I've never been a big meat eater and it's hard for me to eat enough protein to promote weight loss. And I've been pretty much skipping the dairy too.

Also I’ve taken to ‘needing’ a night time snack every night without fail (too many carbs and not enough protein during the day?).

Those nighttime snacks have been the carby stuff. I'll feel hungry--get out something low cal but high carb and before you know it I've scarfed down a lot of carbs.

As I mentioned, my protein intake has fallen way off . By days end my protein intake was really low. And that, I think, may explain the weight gain. More carbs mean our bodies store more fluid by volume to metabolize those carbs. Hence the bloated puffed up me. And according to the research a big carb loaded meal causes a rise in insulin which promotes fat storage.

To give you an idea, here are some initial changes I’m putting into place.

--Swap out my one egg and two pieces of toast for 2 eggs and one piece of toast . This changes the protein/carb calorie ratio.

--Eat better during the day (as in more protein) so I don’t ‘need’ the night time snack--but should I indulge in a night time snack, I’ll change it up--no crackers, cookies, dark chocolate chips. Instead --a cup of milk..or some plain yogurt. The milk/carb ratio in dairy is almost perfect. If I ‘give in’ and eat crackers I’ll be sure to accompany them with a low fat string cheese and limit the crackers to a few.

Here are some of the points that jumped jumped out at me:

“the actual number of calories you consume is not the only factor that affects your fat-loss efforts.”

“protein carries the highest thermic effect. Eat more protein; burn more calories.”

"people with higher body fat burn fat better after a high protein meal"

“fiber, as an indigestible nutrient, will not be absorbed…will pass through your intestinal tact undigested” (Key: eat fiber, it fills you up but not out)

“when high levels of insulin are present within the blood, fat burning is brought to a screeching halt” (Key: eat low glycemic foods for fat loss)

“carbohydrate ingestion stimulates a large insulin response and fat ingestion give rise to blood lipid levels--when the two are consumed together, they promote the greatest fat storage.” (Key: eat fat or carbs, add protein)

“large infrequent meals tend to promote storage of the ingested nutrients” (key: eat small meals frequently)

“ingesting a large amount of carbohydrates before bed spikes insulin, deters nocturnal thermogenesis and increases fat storage during sleep....whereas consuming a great deal of calories early in the day does not bring about this problem--these calories are likely to be used as energy to support daily activities”

Fat loss isn't just a matter of calories in, calories out--it's more complex than that.

THE LEARNING CURVE

I'd say I'm in a rut. A rut, as described by an acquaintance, is a grave with the ends kicked out. I've been running up and down my current rut since the middle of September. A couple weeks ago I lost some of my vacation/Labor day gain by watching my fat intake but that was short lived. So, here I am, still running the rut.

In years past, that rut got really dark..it was a deep rut. But things have changed. Granted I'm in a rut, but I have hopes and intentions of climbing out.

Here's the thing. Even though I don't appear to be making any headway on the scale, as in moving closer to my goal, I have made major progress. I've come to this point in my thinking: quitting is no longer an option.

All my life, when I'd be unsuccessful in my weight loss efforts, I'd reach a really hard place and I'd quit---just give up, throw in the towel and eat, eat, eat. If the scale wasn't moving down I'd think " I'm not going to restrict my food intake--what's the point?". Likely, in my frustration and discouragement, I even ate food I didn't want--just because I "could". Having thrown off the diet I was free. Having no diet restricting me equals no restraint. And I exercised none.

The thing that is different now---that has changed ---is my thinking. When I quit the diet mentality and began to rethink my relationship with food I entered a new phase. In this phase quitting is not an option. There's nothing to quit.

Once I realized that my problem is eating too much food calorie wise I also discovered the solution. And that solution is to eat less food. Some days that is not so easy. Diets don't work. So, what does work? It's this: understanding that giving up is not an option.

In the past I was able to just quit. Now I can't. Why?

I have ever present in my head, these reminders: the miserable feeling I get when my gut is stuffed; the loathing and self recrimination that will follow; the clothing in my wardrobe that I won't be able to wear; the sadness that I can't "overcome" my problem, that once again I've given in; the loss of joy because I'm unable to enjoy the food I'm eating because fluttering around the edges of my thinking are the reminders personified-- whispering loudly the "you'll be sorry" message.

This host of thoughts, one might even call it the voice of reason, has become the restrainer. "It" speaks to me--and "it" doesn't go away. "It" hounds me so to speak. "It" won't get off my back, won't leave me alone. The diet, I could quit, toss in the trash. But the voice of reason? It presses me, presses in, forces me to face the consequences of my choices and it won't relent. Once reckoned, it can't be escaped.

It appears I'm connecting the dots ...that overeating leads to things I don't want. I always knew that--the knowledge was there in my head--but it had little effect. It was a case of knowing a thing, but it not mattering when it came right down to it. Because it was only the possibility, not the reality. The change now is that I'm able imagine, to feel, to experience the awfulness of those unwanted consequences without having done the deed.

So quitting is no longer an option. It's off the table--the burden of the result should I quit is more than I can bear. Therefore I trudge ahead, with the belief that as I persevere I will figure it out, and eventually I will progress downward on the scale.

BECAUSE I WON'T GO BACK "THERE" MY ONLY OPTION IS TO MOVE FORWARD

Discovery

If you read yesterdays post you know I'm trying to figure out the answer to the "why" question posed. Comments left by readers were very helpful.

Alexia at The One Last Thing blog directed me to her recent and continuing posts titled Influencer: The Power to Change Anything. It had loads of great information that I think most of you will find beneficial. She cited the book Influencer by Patterson as the source of her information.

I gleaned lots of insight and will share what jumped out at me and stuck. Hopefully it'll sink in and make a difference. I list it here, in no specific order.

1. "It's not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, THEN do your best." Deming.


2. Focus on behaviors instead of outcome only. Focus on changing vital behaviors


3. It is the lack of thought, not the presence of thought, that enables our bad behavior.


4. Master good behaviors. Break mastery into mini-goals. Forget all or nothing behaviors. Set goals to improve behaviors rather than outcome. Top athletic performers set their goal to improve behaviors rather than outcomes so they can see the changes immediately.


5. Recovery behaviors: A) Catch it early B) Don't try to play catch up C) Adjust the plan to make it more doable if needed.


6. Skill versus will. People can develop skill to obtain mastery--it's not necessary to use willpower alone. Example: Grabber (those who have a craving or hunger and grab the first thing in sight) versus Delayers --Delayers are more skilled at avoiding short term temptation.


7. Avoidance techniques (to delay bad/undesirable behavior) A) Distract B) Postpone C) talk back (to self)


8. The brain has 2 modes--a survival mode and a thinking mode. Too often some things--like food decisions--are made by the survival part of the brain. We often crumble at stressful moments in spite of commitment to a vital behavior. Use the above avoidance techniques as a way to delay until the thinking mode can set in.

I highlighted a few things that I'm going to focus on. I realized long ago that it was more important to focus on my plan and not the goal--the number on the scale--but I was too general on the plan focus. I realize that I need to focus on specific behaviors--break them down. Next time I am floundering I'm going to examine my specific behaviors to see which ones are causing the problem.

My recent failings I think were due to some bad decisions during grocery shopping. First there were the Halloween donuts. There they were in the glass case in all their glory--so cute. And a lady in front of me picked up a box and loaded it so nicely. And I thought--"think I'll treat myself to a donut and get hubby one too".

But I didn't want to stack them in a bag--because they were so cute. So I put them in a box. But I felt like I was being wasteful putting two donuts in that big ole box, so I stuck two more in making a total of 4 donuts.

As I walked around the store making other purchases I knew I 'd made a bad decision. I even considered putting 2 of the donuts back. But I thought it might not be appreciated--me putting donuts back into the case. I even considered just sitting the whole box in the case and walking away. But I "worried" that the store would end up having to throw those out, and lose money because of me. So I kept them--I'd touched them, now they were mine.

I know better than to buy this sort of thing in multiples. Now, in hindsight I realize I could have put one donut in each of two bags--no stacking and no chance of ruining them and their fall finery. Drat! Why didn't I think of that in the store?

And get this. When I got home, hubby decided he wasn't going to eat any donuts, so there sat 4 of them. The first day I ate one. The second day I got one out to eat, realized I didn't even like the way it tasted and threw it away after a couple of bites. And the third and fourth untouched donuts--all so pretty and orange in their fall finery, sprinkled with coconut and edible autumn leaves--got tossed in the trash along with the box. Bah humbug.

It's specific behaviors like this that add up--create the life we live-- and determine our success or failure. I'm taking a closer look and making "notes".
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Be sure and get in on Lyn's Habit a Week Challenge. It starts today.

Why?

The past 3 days have been a bust. I've been eating past my calorie allotment--even though I'm not hungry. Arrrrrgh....Why do I do that? Honestly, I haven't got a clue. Which only serves to frustrate me and compel me to eat even more.

It seems when I "feel" out of control--which has been my feeling of late--I have no resolve. I feel helpless--a victim of whatever "it" is spinning me about, causing me to be discombobulated, rendering me unable to get any traction to stop "it" and get back on the path toward my goal. I feel like I'm in free fall, spinning about, totally without control. "It" carries me like a tidal wave toward looming disaster--to my way of thinking--where I will crash and burn. I need a parachute.

I awaken today, saying mentally, this is the day I attach, get some traction, put it in gear and head away from disaster making quick tracks. Can I prevail today over "it"? I don't know.

And until I can figure out what is really going on I am bound to repeat this behavior. Trying to stop "it" has been futile. How do you stop "it" when you don't even know what "it" is. For sure "it" is the enemy--one of many--that plagues me in my weight loss efforts. "It" has always been operative--that is why I've regained all the weight I've ever lost. Success comes to me, but it never stays. I couldn't maintain my success then, and I'm finding I'm having the same difficulty now.

And I'm well aware of what causes my downfall--eating more calories than my body needs to maintain its weight. But why now? Why back when?

I firmly believe it is something in my subconscious thinking driving me. My behavior is led by that thinking, my intention is set by that thinking. But what the heck am I thinking?!!!! Help! I need that parachute now--a tactic, a strategy, a clue..anything..something..*sigh*.

I refuse to throw in the towel, give up, at this point. I'm running out of years. The quitting tactic did not serve me well. So I've got to continue. But if I continue as I've always done I'm going to end up in the same place. I want to arrive in the land of "slimmed down", normal BMI...finally...and I want to stay in that country...live there--not just visit it.