The Learning Curve

I guess I am a slow learner.

Having finally realized there is a learning curve for everything, I am free from the bondage of perfection.

Looking back I can see now that I gave up too quickly on many things.

Things that I've since returned to and found to be wonderful.

I missed out on them all these years.

The upside to my perfection is that I didn't continue to struggle with things for the wrong reason.

Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is 'give up'.

Having the wisdom to discern is key.

So treat yourself like a well loved friend or child.

I am often a cheerleader or offer the figurative cup of cold water to people in my life or who cross my path.

Giving myself the same kind treatment is a positive thing.

Give it a try.  You just might be amazed in the difference it can make in your life.

I Hate My Body

NOT!!

I appreciate my body.  It's the shell that  houses my spirit--which is the esence of me.

It is fearfully and wonderfully made declares the psalmist David.

And it is made in the image of God.

It's an amazing machine as it were.

Hearing on TV this morning that the average woman 'hates' her body' 13 times a day made me cringe.

What rot. 

It's come to that has it???

Why do so many women allow the influence of the world standard of beauty to rob them of their joy?

To devote so much thought to the body image????

Ridiculous I say.

Sure, I'd rather I hadn't been born with crooked bottom teeth, or eyes that require spectacles.  I'd prefer to be taller than I am.  And a few other things.

But to obsess-- 13 times a day-- and hate my body?

Ridiculous.

I say, can we even believe that report?

If it is true, then women of the world I say "STOP!!!"

You are allowing your feelings to rob you.
  

DO NOT LET THE WORLD CONFORM YOU TO THEIR IMAGE OF WHAT YOU SHOULD BE.

It is your decision and yours alone.

Reject what others tell you.  

Take your power and use it and make up your own mind.

Begin treasuring the body that houses the essence of you.

Take care of that body.

And most of all, be thankful for the gift of it--because it is truly a gift, designed by a beneficent Creator.

Love Is as Love Does

Those who love us demonstrate their love in ways that are meaningful to them.  If you don't realize that, you may end up feeling unloved.

Some of the different ways people feel and express love are touch--like a hug; acts of service--like folding the laundry, putting gas in your car; gifts--like candy and flowers; words--like saying I love you, writing you a poem.

If you want to be effective in demonstrating your love it is a good idea to find out what is meaningful to the one you love, and vice versa.

Keep this in mind though:  just because a person doesn't love you like you want them to love you doesn't mean they love you any less.

Here's the song "Only Way He Knew How" by High Valley, a Mennonite group.  If you've got the time, take 4 minutes and listen to the words of the song.  It may be just the reminder you need to realize how much you were loved, how much you are loved, by others.

Wasted

It's easy to see the folly of one who wastes his mind and life doing drugs.

But have you ever considered what a waste of time and life worry is?

There are some things you can't control-- period. Worrying about them is a total useless waste.

The things you can change? Do it. Quit worrying. Quit directing your energy to an activity that won't net a darn thing that is of any benefit to you or anyone else.

How long is it going to take you to quit worry, make change where it is reasonable and possible, and get on with you life?

Have a little faith. On earth if you drop something it falls down. If you hit your finger with a hammer it will hurt. There are natural laws that are in operation--laws that are complex and hard for some of us to understand or explain. But they operate nonetheless. I flip the light switch expecting the lights to come on. And they do. When they don't I know that the power is off or the bulb is burnt out. When all else fails I can call an electrician.

As a little girl I remember hearing a song by Doris Day. She sang 'que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be; the future's not ours to see, que sera'. As a child I had no idea what that meant. But it is truth. We only have so much power, the rest is not in our hands to control.

And if that bad thing does happen, well, you'll live. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do the next thing, all the while grabbing onto faith, believing that there are better things ahead. Worrying that there are not keeps you stuck, rooted in that bad place.

Worry is like a rocking chair. It keeps you moving but takes you nowhere. So, quit worrying, focus your energy in a positive direction. Have a little faith.

The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the LORD.
Proverbs 16:33

Totally "Shocking" Experience

Did that get your attention? Calm down...nothing bad happened to me. But I had this new experience relative to food. It was totally opposite of my 'normal'.

I, the person who has spent the last 20 years trying to talk myself out of eating, was trying to talk myself into eating and was unsuccessful!!!

This phenomenon took place yesterday. I was planning to make a favorite snack--an ethnic one from India--Chivda. It is a combination of grains--I use corn and rice, i.e. Corn Flakes and Rice Krispies--and a masala--which just means a mixture of spices--of sweet/sour/hot/salty.

I make it instead of buying it because the purchased product is not readily available and I'm able to reduce the fat content without losing the taste I love. And I can make a single serving portion, which is a aid to control my intake.

So there I was, all day yesterday, planning on making it at some point in the day for a snack. (It goes great with a cup of hot tea. It is sometimes referred to as a 'teatime snack'.) I had a real head hunger for it. But I kept putting it off. That made me wonder--made me think: "this is very odd for me". All day I thought about that snack, looking forward to consuming it.

Finally, around 9 pm -- after hubby had gone to bed because he had to get up very early--I thought "now I'll make my beloved Chivda". But I kept putting it off. Kept finding other things that needed doing first. I was puzzled at myself. I wanted that Chivda in my head. The thought that kept bouncing around in my head was "but I'm not hungry".


Not being hungry has *NEVER ever* ever *ever* in the last 20 or so years stopped me from eating something I wanted. Eating when I'm not physically hungry is the rule, not the exception in my life.

I went back and forth in my head thinking--"I'm going to make it. But I'm not hungry" It was like a little exchange between two people. Both of them the inner me. Finally I said to myself--forget it--you can make it tomorrow.

Analysis? I wanted a food emotionally, on a head level. But on a physical level, I wasn't hungry--and couldn't bring myself to make/eat it.

What gives? My take is that the 'head' work I began January 2007 is working.

In fact--these past few weeks, all through the holiday season--I've been paying more attention to my physical body signals and aligning them with head thoughts which concentrate on categories of food like protein, carb and fat, and in the carb category focusing on fruits and veggies.

It goes like this:

I'm hungry. What shall I eat? Well, I need some protein. So I make a choice for that. Now I need to add in some carbs--how am I going to get in a couple of servings in the fruit/veg category? Fat is added in limited amounts as is simple carbs. I choose portion sizes that are "small normal". And I eat without giving much thought to the specific calories.

While I haven't lost the weight I regained--it was about 7 pounds--my weight has remained stable. And I've had this new development--NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK MYSELF INTO EATING SOMETHING I WANTED (as in head hunger) when I wasn't physically hungry.!!!

Folks, I haven't had this experience in years. I'm hoping it's a trend that will continue. I'm hoping that what I have been doing is reshaping my relationship with food. I'm hoping that the long term result will yield a smaller, healthier me. One who is not obsessed with weight loss but possessed with the natural ability to eat like a 'normal' person.

I plan to make that Chivda today. We'll see what happens.

THE LEARNING CURVE

I'd say I'm in a rut. A rut, as described by an acquaintance, is a grave with the ends kicked out. I've been running up and down my current rut since the middle of September. A couple weeks ago I lost some of my vacation/Labor day gain by watching my fat intake but that was short lived. So, here I am, still running the rut.

In years past, that rut got really dark..it was a deep rut. But things have changed. Granted I'm in a rut, but I have hopes and intentions of climbing out.

Here's the thing. Even though I don't appear to be making any headway on the scale, as in moving closer to my goal, I have made major progress. I've come to this point in my thinking: quitting is no longer an option.

All my life, when I'd be unsuccessful in my weight loss efforts, I'd reach a really hard place and I'd quit---just give up, throw in the towel and eat, eat, eat. If the scale wasn't moving down I'd think " I'm not going to restrict my food intake--what's the point?". Likely, in my frustration and discouragement, I even ate food I didn't want--just because I "could". Having thrown off the diet I was free. Having no diet restricting me equals no restraint. And I exercised none.

The thing that is different now---that has changed ---is my thinking. When I quit the diet mentality and began to rethink my relationship with food I entered a new phase. In this phase quitting is not an option. There's nothing to quit.

Once I realized that my problem is eating too much food calorie wise I also discovered the solution. And that solution is to eat less food. Some days that is not so easy. Diets don't work. So, what does work? It's this: understanding that giving up is not an option.

In the past I was able to just quit. Now I can't. Why?

I have ever present in my head, these reminders: the miserable feeling I get when my gut is stuffed; the loathing and self recrimination that will follow; the clothing in my wardrobe that I won't be able to wear; the sadness that I can't "overcome" my problem, that once again I've given in; the loss of joy because I'm unable to enjoy the food I'm eating because fluttering around the edges of my thinking are the reminders personified-- whispering loudly the "you'll be sorry" message.

This host of thoughts, one might even call it the voice of reason, has become the restrainer. "It" speaks to me--and "it" doesn't go away. "It" hounds me so to speak. "It" won't get off my back, won't leave me alone. The diet, I could quit, toss in the trash. But the voice of reason? It presses me, presses in, forces me to face the consequences of my choices and it won't relent. Once reckoned, it can't be escaped.

It appears I'm connecting the dots ...that overeating leads to things I don't want. I always knew that--the knowledge was there in my head--but it had little effect. It was a case of knowing a thing, but it not mattering when it came right down to it. Because it was only the possibility, not the reality. The change now is that I'm able imagine, to feel, to experience the awfulness of those unwanted consequences without having done the deed.

So quitting is no longer an option. It's off the table--the burden of the result should I quit is more than I can bear. Therefore I trudge ahead, with the belief that as I persevere I will figure it out, and eventually I will progress downward on the scale.

BECAUSE I WON'T GO BACK "THERE" MY ONLY OPTION IS TO MOVE FORWARD

Discovery

If you read yesterdays post you know I'm trying to figure out the answer to the "why" question posed. Comments left by readers were very helpful.

Alexia at The One Last Thing blog directed me to her recent and continuing posts titled Influencer: The Power to Change Anything. It had loads of great information that I think most of you will find beneficial. She cited the book Influencer by Patterson as the source of her information.

I gleaned lots of insight and will share what jumped out at me and stuck. Hopefully it'll sink in and make a difference. I list it here, in no specific order.

1. "It's not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, THEN do your best." Deming.


2. Focus on behaviors instead of outcome only. Focus on changing vital behaviors


3. It is the lack of thought, not the presence of thought, that enables our bad behavior.


4. Master good behaviors. Break mastery into mini-goals. Forget all or nothing behaviors. Set goals to improve behaviors rather than outcome. Top athletic performers set their goal to improve behaviors rather than outcomes so they can see the changes immediately.


5. Recovery behaviors: A) Catch it early B) Don't try to play catch up C) Adjust the plan to make it more doable if needed.


6. Skill versus will. People can develop skill to obtain mastery--it's not necessary to use willpower alone. Example: Grabber (those who have a craving or hunger and grab the first thing in sight) versus Delayers --Delayers are more skilled at avoiding short term temptation.


7. Avoidance techniques (to delay bad/undesirable behavior) A) Distract B) Postpone C) talk back (to self)


8. The brain has 2 modes--a survival mode and a thinking mode. Too often some things--like food decisions--are made by the survival part of the brain. We often crumble at stressful moments in spite of commitment to a vital behavior. Use the above avoidance techniques as a way to delay until the thinking mode can set in.

I highlighted a few things that I'm going to focus on. I realized long ago that it was more important to focus on my plan and not the goal--the number on the scale--but I was too general on the plan focus. I realize that I need to focus on specific behaviors--break them down. Next time I am floundering I'm going to examine my specific behaviors to see which ones are causing the problem.

My recent failings I think were due to some bad decisions during grocery shopping. First there were the Halloween donuts. There they were in the glass case in all their glory--so cute. And a lady in front of me picked up a box and loaded it so nicely. And I thought--"think I'll treat myself to a donut and get hubby one too".

But I didn't want to stack them in a bag--because they were so cute. So I put them in a box. But I felt like I was being wasteful putting two donuts in that big ole box, so I stuck two more in making a total of 4 donuts.

As I walked around the store making other purchases I knew I 'd made a bad decision. I even considered putting 2 of the donuts back. But I thought it might not be appreciated--me putting donuts back into the case. I even considered just sitting the whole box in the case and walking away. But I "worried" that the store would end up having to throw those out, and lose money because of me. So I kept them--I'd touched them, now they were mine.

I know better than to buy this sort of thing in multiples. Now, in hindsight I realize I could have put one donut in each of two bags--no stacking and no chance of ruining them and their fall finery. Drat! Why didn't I think of that in the store?

And get this. When I got home, hubby decided he wasn't going to eat any donuts, so there sat 4 of them. The first day I ate one. The second day I got one out to eat, realized I didn't even like the way it tasted and threw it away after a couple of bites. And the third and fourth untouched donuts--all so pretty and orange in their fall finery, sprinkled with coconut and edible autumn leaves--got tossed in the trash along with the box. Bah humbug.

It's specific behaviors like this that add up--create the life we live-- and determine our success or failure. I'm taking a closer look and making "notes".
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Be sure and get in on Lyn's Habit a Week Challenge. It starts today.

Why?

The past 3 days have been a bust. I've been eating past my calorie allotment--even though I'm not hungry. Arrrrrgh....Why do I do that? Honestly, I haven't got a clue. Which only serves to frustrate me and compel me to eat even more.

It seems when I "feel" out of control--which has been my feeling of late--I have no resolve. I feel helpless--a victim of whatever "it" is spinning me about, causing me to be discombobulated, rendering me unable to get any traction to stop "it" and get back on the path toward my goal. I feel like I'm in free fall, spinning about, totally without control. "It" carries me like a tidal wave toward looming disaster--to my way of thinking--where I will crash and burn. I need a parachute.

I awaken today, saying mentally, this is the day I attach, get some traction, put it in gear and head away from disaster making quick tracks. Can I prevail today over "it"? I don't know.

And until I can figure out what is really going on I am bound to repeat this behavior. Trying to stop "it" has been futile. How do you stop "it" when you don't even know what "it" is. For sure "it" is the enemy--one of many--that plagues me in my weight loss efforts. "It" has always been operative--that is why I've regained all the weight I've ever lost. Success comes to me, but it never stays. I couldn't maintain my success then, and I'm finding I'm having the same difficulty now.

And I'm well aware of what causes my downfall--eating more calories than my body needs to maintain its weight. But why now? Why back when?

I firmly believe it is something in my subconscious thinking driving me. My behavior is led by that thinking, my intention is set by that thinking. But what the heck am I thinking?!!!! Help! I need that parachute now--a tactic, a strategy, a clue..anything..something..*sigh*.

I refuse to throw in the towel, give up, at this point. I'm running out of years. The quitting tactic did not serve me well. So I've got to continue. But if I continue as I've always done I'm going to end up in the same place. I want to arrive in the land of "slimmed down", normal BMI...finally...and I want to stay in that country...live there--not just visit it.

Oatmeal Cheese Danish

I tend to eat oatmeal quite often for breakfast. My favorite way is banana cooked with the oatmeal (in the microwave) and a spoonful of peanut butter on top.

Now that it's fall I'm looking to spice things up with a bit of cinnamon and such. Here's what I tried today and was pleasantly surprised.

1/3 cup dry oats
1/4 cup cottage cheese
about a 1/2 cup water--adjust
for thickness.

Nuke this for 2-2.25 minutes. If it's cooked to your liking, add some sweetener, then stir to blend. Now sprinkle the top with some cinnamon. Drizzle with 2-3 teaspoons of International Delight Vanilla Spiced Rum coffee creamer.

This truly did remind me of the flavors of a cheese danish.

Today I went to the gym where I live and rode the recumbent bike for 50 minutes and used the weight lifting pulley...did about 3 sets of 10 each using 40 pounds. I hadn't used this equipment before because I was unsure of how it worked, but a neighbor showed me--so I think I'll be going there more often since I can't walk or do squats.

It seems there is always a way to figure out how to do what needs doing if we are willing to adjust.

Lately, too, I've been noticing that I'm using my brain more and connecting the dots to prevent overeating before it happens.

For instance today I thought I was hungry. But instead of grabbing food I paused, and questioned myself. I realized, because I took time and trouble, that it was only mouth hunger. I examined myself and determined that I was likely bored. So I changed my activity (reading blogs) by getting up and moving around, doing some housework. Just the change of activity refocused my brain and the boredom ceased and the hunger was gone.

I was able to wait until lunch time to eat. Score one for me.

This brain stuff is key to real change. All my life I've pretty much responded to my hunger by eating something, never questioning the validity of it. If I were on a diet I'd grab something low-cal--but even then I was eating when I shouldn't be eating, and reinforcing a negative behavior.

So, onward and upward, marching toward the goal.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

You might be wondering--where's this post going..what do shampooing my hair and losing weight have in common?

Well, I was thinking of a scene from "Reba". I never watched that show when it was on in prime time. But when the reruns appeared in the late afternoon my husband and I became huge fans. The show is hysterical.

The scene I'm thinking of relative to this post is the one where the lovable doofus Van comments to Kiera that the directions on the shampoo bottle- "later, rinse, repeat"--are confusing. His conumdrum is the repeat part--how many times is he to lather and rinse? Kiera gives him the look that only she can give and says "once, Van--you repeat once". Duh. He goes off happy, problem solved.

I remember thinking--I'm a bit of a doofus too at times--I had questioned the "repeat" instruction back in the day. The answer I came up with was "as many times as needed to get your hair clean". Because I shampooed daily, lathering and rinsing once was sufficient, no repeat necessary.

But that's not the case with weight loss...one time is never enough for the majority of us. I got to thinking-- if the typical diet came in a bottle the directions would be this: diet, lose, regain, repeat. And in my frustration I ask, as Van did, how many times must I repeat the process?

Now I can't give you a number, but I do know this: repetition is part of the process. Each of us will have to repeat as many times as is necessary for us to learn and conquer, until the equation is changed to diet, lose, maintain. And even then, "gain" will be a part of the equation--except the gain will be minimal--the normal body weight fluctuations and the occasional overindulgence that will always be part and parcel of our life.

One thing that I think is helping me to change and eliminate the repeat part is the realization that there are not 2, but 3 parts to the process. I like to think of the three parts as this: what I'm eating, what's eating me and the physiological response of my body.

For so long I did what I call functional dieting--- eat a certain amount and certain kind of food (what I'm eating) with the expectation that my body would respond by losing fat (the physiological response). But I didn't realize the power of my intention--the part my mind played in the process. It is huge and can make or break me.

These non-food choices (what's eating me) not only impact the physiological processes in my system but because they originate in my thinking-- my being--they lead me and they determine, even dictate, how I will respond in any given food situation.

Historically I've evolved in my approach to weight loss. And at times I get frustrated. In the past I'd throw in the towel and give up. But this time I'm seeing that my backward steps are integral to the learning cycle, so I keep pressing forward-- aiming high--believing that I will at some point in the future hit the bulls-eye of my target. No longer will it be "diet, lose, regain, repeat" but "diet, lose, maintain".

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Jesus said "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he". Paul said in Romans chapter 12 "be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind." These are powerful words, full of wisdom, and applicable to every area of life.

It is the mind--the thinking-- that leads to our way of behaving. And if we want to transform our behavior, we must "renew" the mind. Let me repeat--transformation is the result of renewal of one's mind.

Renewing the mind requires examining the mind-- the thinking, the beliefs-- and correcting any faulty thinking. Unless we correct our thinking, nothing will change. The same thinking will produce the same actions and result in the same behavior.

Perhaps we keep needing to "diet, lose, regain, repeat" because we were just going through the motions having never fully examined and corrected our faulty thinking--and as a result, there was no "renewal of mind" and therefore no transformation.

Late Night Lament

So there I was ..it was 2 a.m. and I'm unable to fall asleep. A lot of tossing and turning ensued. And lots of getting up to adjust the thermostat.... and the ceiling fan...and finally dragging out the floor fan just for the noise it makes. Being hot, then cold, then hot, then cold. All to no avail--because sleep just wouldn't come.

The culprit I'm sure was that triple strength cup of coffee I had late that afternoon. I know better. But it was dreary outside and I was sleepy and thought it would perk me up. Well, it did. Boy, did it perk me up.

Now, during that tossing and turning episode I did a lot of thinking too. Some of it was the anxious kind, which I addressed by telling myself to : QUIT THINKING--NO ANXIOUS THINKING ALLOWED.

From that--my head with its thinking-- I proceeded to my stomach. Two days prior I'd been starving all day; on the heels of that was a day where I was not hungry at all and nothing sounded good and I actually under ate...and worried a tad about the negative effect that would have on my metabolism--too much knowledge doth a worrier make. And then the day of the sleepless night--I was back to my normal hunger level..and consumed my normal allotted amount of food. I actually counted the calories instead of relying on the hunger scale totally--I think it's a good idea to check up at intervals and see how you are faring. And I haven't lost the little bit of weight I gained at the beach, and then there was Labor Day weekend--so I'm putting off weighing. So, obviously, I'm a little concerned, not desiring to undue my hard work and regain additional weight.

Back to the point of this post--so...there I was thinking about food, unable to sleep and feeling hungry and thinking perhaps it was hunger keeping me awake. So I wrestled with that feeling, telling myself I'd had plenty to eat that day, so no--you're not going to get up and eat.

Finally, being weary of the struggle I decided to give myself permission to get up and eat anything I wanted. So--I asked my self: "Self--you can have anything you want--what do you want?"

Hmmm. I laid there and thought. I figuratively perused the contents of the fridge...nope...nothing there I wanted. Moved on to the contents of the pantry and cabinets. Same answer. Nothing....nada...zip. Then it happened--it dawned on me and the realization took hold and I experienced the big "ta da" light bulb moment---I wasn't hungry!!! Though I believed I was, I wasn't. Not until I extended to myself the grace to eat--not the grudging kind of permission that says "I can't stand it, I give up, I'm eating", but the kind that says "it's o.k...you're not a failure...you're hungry and it's keeping you awake"--did I figure out I wasn't hungry.

That freedom to eat, i.e. eat freely released me to discover I wasn't hungry. The struggle to prevent myself from eating was static--a diversion---my energy was divested in that conflict and it sapped my strength. I almost missed discovering the truth.

How many times has this happened in my life? Countless I imagine. And most of them I assumed I was just a weak willed person and spent my energy trying to prevent myself from eating instead of expending it trying to discover if I was hungry and what I was hungry for. I was a misguided person.... choosing the wrong fight,....picking the wrong battle... and failing to comprehend the real issue.

Once I realized I wasn't hungry, I fell asleep. And sweet it was....sound, deep, and lengthy. I awoke refreshed and quite in awe of the mental interplay and the giant step I took in those wee small hours.

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To simplify my point: Next time you get hungry, and you believe you've eaten enough food--quit fighting with yourself in an effort to prevent eating. Instead put your energy into determining if your hunger might be a genuine need. By giving yourself permission to discover what you'd like to eat (no guilt allowed), you might find there is really no particular food you want..that in fact nothing really sounds good...that instead, your struggle is the limitation of not being able to eat freely and wishing that you could--- versus genuine hunger.

For a couple of days prior to the incident I related above I was bemoaning the fact that I must wrestle with food. The realization that never in my lifetime will I be free to eat without monitoring my food intake causes me to despair. My choices are two: eat with abandon and be fat or monitor my food intake and keep my weight in an acceptable range. ACCEPTABLE RANGE--not skinny, not slender, not slim---the best I can hope for is ACCEPTABLE. Sort of depressing, eh? Suck it up, I say to myself, let it go, move on. There are other more important things to conquer.

Mucking Around the Thoughts in My Head

Clearly I have some contradictory thinking going on in my head. It wasn't evident to me until I wrote down some of my thoughts. Until I settle on what I believe I will be tossed to and fro in my weight loss efforts.

Do I or don't I believe exercise is weight loss requisite? I was taught that it was. Then, along the way, I rejected that notion. I decided that exercise was a great health benefit, but not necessary to achieve weight loss. And with that I was content.

But when I added exercise into my daily life for the health benefit per my doctor's instruction I noted that the number on the scale move down a little quicker. Which of course made me very happy and that happiness was energizing and empowered me. I attributed the quicker loss to the increase in physical activity.

Then along came the disabling ailments and the exercise I was doing had to be shelved....just when I was really enjoying it too. Because I wasn't doing it for weight loss, but instead doing it for health, the motivation was different and not measurable, and I found it pleasurable--there was no real pressure.

So here I am tossed to and fro in my thinking--believing that since I've had to stop my exercise my weight loss efforts are going to stall, I'm going to fail, and the result is my intention is set in that direction--the direction of failing.

Obviously I'd forgotten my core belief--that weight loss is possible without exercising. So I'm kicking out the conflicting belief and refining my thinking by throwing a new thought/belief into the mix--or the mire..hahaha--as follows:

Since the "diet" part--that is eating less food--is the primary part--it is critical that I not fudge there. If an extra 100 calories a day can net an increase of 10 pounds in a year, it can also prevent me from losing 10
pounds in a year.

Refining my thinking yields a clearer understanding and eliminates the unrest and frustration I've been experiencing due to conflicting beliefs. It allows me to purpose my intention in a singular direction.

If you find yourself quite frustrated with your "diet"--or whatever you call it--you may have some conflicting thinking/beliefs. Examine them, refine them and then set your intention.

I Binge

Of late I’ve realized I’m a food binger. I’d always thought those who binged ate huge volumes of food. Like a whole pizza and a whole 2 liter Coke followed by a half dozen donuts--all in one sitting .

But a binge can consist of smaller volumes of food. It’s the compulsion to eat and the inability to stop eating, even though your head and heart desire that you do so. You just can’t..you are compelled to continue…and when you finally do stop you are unable to eat any more at that point. And you don’t know why you arrived at the stopping point, or why it came so late, only that it did. Why couldn’t it come sooner, when you wanted it to?

What drives that compulsion? Something is driving it. Why does it have power over me? Do I give it the power? Perhaps indirectly. But on purpose--no way. In my conscious thinking I’m fighting it, begging it to stop---to release me. Beating myself up for being weak..trying to analyze what is going on with me. Is there something wrong with me that I can’t quit after 2 cookies?

When I do stop at 2 and put them away and walk away--they call my name. They taunt me until I go back to them and indulge in more eating. Followed by regret and guilt and self loathing. (Remember the commercial “no one can eat just one!”--the seed has been planted that we are incapable and we accept it.)

If I am truly a weak willed person, why doesn’t it show up in other areas of my life? My house is spotless. I’m always on time; I always do what I say I’ll do unless providentially hindered. I work hard. I’m honest. I never waste money…I can keep to a budget with no problem. I’m not tempted to purchase on impulse.

But when it comes to food--something is amiss. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? Because I didn’t recognize the problem. I thought my weight was the problem. But it wasn’t. My weight is a symptom of the problem. Food and my relationship with food is the problem. Whether I’m overeating 500 calories a day or 5,000---overeating is overeating.

Are You a Normal Eater?

Take this quiz , copied from Normal Eating, to determine if you are a "normal" eater. Choose one answer in each section.
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HUNGER
1. I often eat when I'm not hungry, but just want to stuff something into my mouth.

2. I try to deny my hunger and hope it goes away.

3. I usually eat whenever I'm moderately hungry.

CHOOSING FOODS

1. I go for high-calorie, high-fat, high-carb, "bad" foods.

2. I eat only low-calorie, low-fat, low-carb, "good" foods.

3. I eat a combination of foods based on my hunger level and what I enjoy.


ENJOYING EATING

1. I eat so fast, feel so guilty, or am so tuned out when I eat that I rarely enjoy food.

2. I don't think about food as enjoyable or nourishing, only how it will affect my weight.

3. I generally find eating a pleasurable experience.

FULLNESS AND SATISFACTION

1. I often eat way past full and/or satisfied and end up eating too much.

2. I eat as little as possible and rarely feel satisfied after eating.

3. I usually stop eating when I am pleasantly full or satisfied.
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Evaluate Your Answers:

If you most often checked off the first box in each section, it's likely that you're an emotional, compulsive overeater.

If you most often checked off the second box in each section, it's likely that you're a chronic dieter or restrictive under-eater.

If you most often checked off the third box in each section, it's likely that you're a "normal" eater.

If you checked off a mixture of first and second boxes, it's likely that you yo-yo between dieting and binge-eating.
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For more information check out the Normal Eating website.

Maria's Last Diet Blog

Pasted here for you is a blog post from Maria's Last Diet:
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Your Weight Loss Challenge is Mostly Mental

by Maria's Last Diet

Are you at a weight you hate?

Want to build your dieting muscle?

Exercise the power of thinking.

In order to lose weight, don't lose your mind.

Think! Use your head!

Think about:

--when you overeat
--why you overeat
--how you're feeling before you overeat
--how you're feeling after you overeat
--what you might do instead of overeating
--how you would feel if you lose the weight
--how you would feel if you don't

It's mind/body, always. The connection is undeniable.

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There is a lot of helpful information at the Maria's Last Diet website. I'll be posting some more of it here in the future. Check out the website if you have time.

Overeat; Repeat.

I came across this article "Why Am I Overeating Over and Over Again?" at this link: Maria's Last Diet Newsletter . I'm copying and pasting it in its entirety. Read it for some insight as to why you might be overeating and repeating.
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Why am I overeating over and over again?

Overeating and weight gain can be addicting. The addiction is not to the food itself; it is to a mood altering or emotion relieving process.

Because overeating and weight gain do not make the desired emotional corrections a person is seeking, a vicious cycle gets created. When emotions are relieved and moods are altered by overeating, a person has less desire and less chance to try out other more adaptive means of mood regulation. The person’s dependency on overeating as the primary solution grows. Eventually, overeating and being overweight become the major concerns and all effort is focused only on dieting and losing weight.

Solving eating and weight problems by eating and weight regulation when you’re using weight and overeating to help regulate your moods and emotions, is a recipe for defeat. For an effective solution, the focus has to shift to the real regulatory issues.

To find the real regulatory issues, look for what is hard for you to deal with in your life. Look for the feelings, moods, personal situations, and social situations that throw you. Look into your way of resolving conflict. Then see how you use food to help you in these situations.

Getting more familiar with the real issues can cause you to experience the very stress you’ve been avoiding by eating. Learning to tolerate this stress is a good exercise. The act of tolerating stress actually reduces stress.

The process of getting to know yourself more fully as you increase your stress tolerance leads to emotional understanding. With emotional understanding, you feel more able to conduct your life in a good way. Your patterns of overeating and weight gain will loosen their hold on you. This is because you won’t need to hold on to them to adjust your moods and relieve your feelings. You can now rely on the more immediate route of coping with your personal emotional matters directly.

© 2007 Maria's Last Diet