" For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land. " Song of Solomon

December 5, 2008

Picture Me Shouting

What and at whom am I shouting? I'm shouting at myself and this is what I'm screaming: "CUT THE CRAP!!!"
Before you read any further I want to insert here: I'd decided not to post this--because it is so negative, and Lord knows, we all have enough negativity--we certainly don't need more. But...since I've written this I've gotten some new insight--which I'll share later, along with that veggie rice recipe I mentioned a while back--so I'm feeling better about it all. Read on.

I'm really stalled with the weight loss...in fact according to the scale I've gained an additional 2-3 pounds...making me a total of approximately 7 pounds above my pre-vacation/Labor day weight.

To give you some insight to what I'm feeling I'm posting the comment I was going to leave in answer to a question Lyn posed on her blog recently. Click here to read Lyn's whole post.

Lyn asked this: Which camp do you fall into?

a) I will stick to healthy eating, work hard, and try to lose weight in December

b)I will make a half hearted attempt to control myself and hope to maintain or not gain too much

c) The heck with it, I give up, I am eating everything in sight and then I will begin fresh with renewed vigor on January first.

This is the comment I was going to leave but it was so lengthy I decided to publish it here instead. Here goes:

I'm a 'B'. I have dieted and lost through too many holidays to only gain it back at some point. I know I could stick it out (as in stay on a diet/plan through the holidays) and lose some weight, but right now my mindset is "why bother" when my history for the past 20 years is the regain always happens.. five years out, two years out.

It just feels like I'm fighting a battle that can't ever really be won. And everywhere I look-- for the most part-- I see the same result with everyone else...they regain too. The only exception might be those who exercise to the point of almost being what seems obsessive to me. I'm betting if they ever stop exercising they will balloon up too. Mind you, I'm not criticizing you if you exercise a lot--in fact I envy your determination and dedication. And I'm becoming a firm believer that regular exercise is key to weight loss and maintenance. So, I'm saying, you're likely not obsessive--but wise.

For me to exercise an hour every day I would have to be obsessive about it. I'd have to take the stance that nothing and nobody is going to hinder me. But that's not me. Could it ever become me? That--I don't know. Every time I get 'set' into a regular exercise routine something out of my control comes along and sabotages it.

So I guess it boils down to being me or being a person who is totally not someone I've ever been. And I'm thinking it is too late and I'm too old to change.

Sorry to be so negative but it's what I'm thinking and feeling. I know weight loss is not hopeless, but short of (it seems to me) being vigilant 24/7 for life there's no real fix. And I don't know anyone who can be 'on' for 24/7/life.

I've invested more hours than I care to add up tracking every morsel I put into my mouth. And for what? I'm no healthier for it. I feel doomed to be 'fat'. I mainly feel frustration over it all.

Fat seems to be my story, my life, my destiny. And lest you think I'm huge, I'm not. But I might as well be.

If I lost 10 pounds it would be great. Another 10 would be perfect...I'd be right where I need to be.

You'd think a person could lose 10 pounds or even 20--but it's just not that easy. I've lost 50 pounds twice, so what gives?

My greater dilemma is that I can't quit for fear of getting bigger--I've been bigger. But I just get tired of losing the same pounds over and over.

Is there anyone else out there that feels as dismal as I do? What have you done, what are you doing to deal with it?

This lose, maintain, regain repeat process is getting real old. I feel like my whole life revolves around what I will eat, what I won't eat, what I can eat. But there is so much more to life than eating. It seems I can't get past that as the focus of my life.

Sad isn't it? A whole life spent examining the how/what/when/where/why of eating as it pertains to weight loss.

I guess I'm just the spirit of "bah humbug".

Hopefully I'll get a new attitude and soon.

Post 'post' comment: I have a better attitude since I wrote this--will share more later.

"....there have been many times when I have shed bitter tears, when if I had understood the situation better, I would have celebrated my good luck instead."


I am not a doctor and all information, suggestions, etc are my personal opinion only.