January 5, 2008
I ALMOST FELL OFF THE WAGON
Yesterday I almost fell off the wagon---the food temperance wagon that is. Late in the afternoon I was hungry. It seemed nothing could my sate my appetite. Couple that with the holiday increases food wise which have slowed down and nearly halted my weight loss and I was confronted with the old thinking trying to nudge its way back in. The lie reared its ugly head and whispered in my ear: “it’s not worrrrkinnnng”….mocking me. When I resisted it continued its assault posing the stinging question “is it worrrrth it?”.
Though the temptation to agree ---“yes, it’s not working !“and “no, it’s not worth it!” was strong, steadfastly I continued my resistance. But doubt was making its inroad. As I ate keeping a tally of my intake, getting closer to my food limit, I wondered how long I could hold out before my appetite got the best of me and I started bingeing. I was hanging on, but barely.
Finally suppertime was upon me and my food allotment shrinking . I ate my baked chicken breast and cabbage cheese casserole. And then it happened---finally!---relief arrived…..I was sated. The hunger dissipated and the danger was past….for now. I breathed a sigh of relief.
Examining the battle and it’s outcome I realized how close I’d come to falling off the wagon…to throwing in the towel…maybe just until the morning, but throwing it in none the less, with the psychological damage that I’d failed… again.
But I resisted the temptation. I won that battle. And I was so glad I held on and stayed on the wagon. It made me realize that next time I find myself in that same battle, that if I hang on, keep fighting and don’t give in I can win….that the desire to binge will eventually pass. And each win, each success, can serve as a reminder---you did it before and you can do it again. No longer will the lie “it’s not working” have as much power…because I’ve learned something about the battle and about myself.
In the future I will look back to yesterday’s struggle and remember that the struggle was temporary---just a few hours---and that I was so happy when it ended and I resisted and was the victor. To the victor go the spoils and in the end make it worth the “suffering“. That is what I will hang on to…cling to…and from it take strength for the future skirmishes….because I know for a certainty there will be more.
Knowing that I faced the challenge squarely…didn’t give in even though it was so hard….and was thrilled with the outcome will fuel me on to be a true winner and win this weight loss war one battle at a time.
It is working! And it is worth it!
"....there have been many times when I have shed bitter tears, when if I had understood the situation better, I would have celebrated my good luck instead."