MARRIAGE

What follows are some of my random thoughts on marriage gleaned over the past 40+ years......

Marriages are not made in heaven. They are begun and worked out here on earth. And forget 50/50 marriages. There are days when you only feel like giving 10%. You'd better hope that your spouse will come up with the other 90%, and vice versa--not to mention the days when you feel like giving zip.

While two people enter into a marriage covenant, it only takes one person to break that covenant and end the marriage. It only takes one person to make a marriage miserable. If both are not willing to "stick", then there's not much hope of a marriage lasting until death.

There will be a lot of days in a normal marriage where you will not only not like your spouse, you'll even begin to question if you really do love him. It's on those days, when you can't stand the sight of your mate, that it's important to "stick" for the sake of the marriage covenant. If it weren't for the promise you made, it's be all too easy to give up and walk away, never giving the marriage the chance it needs for success. After all, if marriage were easy there'd be no need of a covenant or a promise of 'until death do us part'.

If you've been able to keep your marriage together, don't get all proud and high and mighty and look down your nose at those whose marriages ended in divorce. There are no perfect people and there is a learning curve..all too often we learn as we go--the hard way--- and after the fact, when it is too late to 'go back' . The saying "experience is the best teacher" is misquoted. Benjamin Franklin said "experience is a dear teacher", with 'dear' meaning costly.

If you're in a marriage and your mate wants out, it's quite possible that had you been a perfect mate things would still be the same. Every person has been granted free will by God and can choose to honor or dishonor his marriage covenant.

Give up on the goal of having a good marriage and make your goal to be the best possible spouse. Even that, though, won't insure a lasting marriage, but will give you the best chance at that happening. Why isn't having a good marriage a good goal? Because it is a goal you can't control. Marriage involves two individuals.

"Learn" your spouse. Understand what he responds to. Some people feel loved through acts of service..others feel loved when they are touched or held .

Learn how to fight fairly and constructively. Stick to the issue at hand and keep the intensity level low. Don't up the ante. Know when to speak up. Know when to shut up. Know what will 'get through' to your spouse. And use that knowledge.

In 40+ years of marriage (I got married very young) I've learned a lot of things the hard way. My parents divorced back when it wasn't common. And my husband's parents were divorced too. Just prior to our marriage I heard the statistic that the vast majority of marriages between children of divorce fail. That scared me. But being the stubborn person I am I determined to not become one of those statistics. And by the grace of God I'm still married to the same person 40+ years later. Not an easy feat, let me tell you, but it is possible.

If your marriage survives the ravages of this world it will be through the death of self. You must lay down your life, meaning that often you will give up your right to have your own way so that the one you love might be served. And you do this expecting nothing in return. You do it for the greater good. You choose to suffer, as it were, for the sake of righteousness. "Greater love hath no man, than to lay down his life for a friend". Death, figuratively or literally, is the ultimate manifestation of love.

The card I gave my husband this year said this:

"Another year of marriage....Another victory of great big love triumphing over annoying little habits."

Truth my dears, truth.

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The first marriage

".....it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him....And the LORD ...... made he a woman, and brought her unto the man".... And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh....therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" Genesis 2

Marriage is a covenant of three--the man, the woman, and God.

"...a threefold cord is not quickly broken.." Ecclesiastes 4:12

Jesus on Divorce

"The Pharisees also came unto him tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. " Matthew 19